Sheriff Joe Arpaio Recruits the Incredible Hulk to Enforce Immigration Law
Yesterday, celebrity sheriff (and Fox News darling) Joe Arpaio launched an all-volunteer, fully armed “illegal immigration posse” that is charged with helping his deputies enforce immigration laws.
In a press release [PDF], Arpaio announced that he was bringing out the big guns for this special occasion—a handful of celebrity crime-fighters sure to steal the spotlight from the other 51 members of the posse:
- Steven Seagal, action hero
- Lou Ferrigno, the original Incredible Hulk
- Peter Lupus, some guy from the TV version of Mission: Impossible, and former Playgirl pinup
- Dick Tracy, not the fictional Dick Tracy comic strip hero but an ironically named retired Chicago police chief
- Wyatt Earp, an alleged descendant of iconic Western folk hero Wyatt Earp
Evidently Hollywood has-beens are spending their retirement enforcing immigration laws in the hottest place in America.
Unfortunately for Arpaio, only Lou Ferrigno showed up to the swearing-in ceremony, which I’m pretty sure, makes him even lamer than “Dick Tracy” and “Wyatt Earp.”
"I must warn you that we are in for a rude awakening, because this country right now is in a lot of danger," Ferrigno said in a speech—though he didn’t mention whether the aforementioned doom would be at the hands of his long-time arch-nemesis the Abomination or the infamous Red Hulk. He may also have smashed and bashed something when asked about his repeated guest appearances on King of Queens.
No word yet on why the other celebrity has-beens flaked, or why Walker, Texas Ranger was excluded from this testosterone-filled celebration of 1970s manhood.